went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
