I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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