Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
