Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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