Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
