Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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