I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
