At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
