i permit you to call me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
