Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
