Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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