Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
