Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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