She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
