And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
