we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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