I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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