You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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