morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
