i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
