Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
