ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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