I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
