So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
