I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
