I'm jealous of your bromance
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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