Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
