Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
