Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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