Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
