I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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