I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
