she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
