there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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