He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
