Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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