Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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