Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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