the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
