Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
