I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
