u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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