Sry I called you an 8
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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