Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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