I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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