That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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