Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
