I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he shaved USA in his pubs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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