Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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