Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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